I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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