In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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