1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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