If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
