I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm bleeding and have questions
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
