Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
