he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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