Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
