Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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