I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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