So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
