This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
