i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
