Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
