i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
