someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
