I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
