I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
