he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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