did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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