Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
