I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
