Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
