phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
