Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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