The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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