If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize