I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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