Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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