Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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