...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
