you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
