My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
