So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
