I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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