So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
