Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
