I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
