My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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