i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
