So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
