this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
