I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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