i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
