Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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