hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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