No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
