If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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