No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
