Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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