it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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