hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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