you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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