Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
