Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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