My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
