I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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