Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
