So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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