I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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