i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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