wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
