at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
