I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
