her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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