is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i've created a new STD.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
